My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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