why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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