Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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