i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
