Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
