You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
