Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
