I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
