yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
