weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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