We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
