is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
