She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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