I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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