i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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