It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
