She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize