first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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