its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
