you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize