if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
