I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
