oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
