she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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