are you so shy because you have an std?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
