I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will pee on everything he values.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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