I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
