so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
