my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
a search helicopter?!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
