A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we're making bets on your personal life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
