you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
