how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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