Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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