when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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