just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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