he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
