my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
