I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
