this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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