Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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