Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
