her vagine was all disorganized.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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