Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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