Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
