I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
