Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
