i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
