if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He shit in the fireplace
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
