I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I would ride that face into the sunset
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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