so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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