So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
