Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
