white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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