the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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