Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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