I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
