is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
