She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
