Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
