Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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