I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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