There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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